Health and safety checks on DCSF personnel

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education is now commissioning a team of health specialists to do eye and ear checks on Ed Balls and other DCSF functionaries, after rumours - substantiated by careful observation and analysis - about their selective loss of hearing and (in)sight. We recommend the specialists are given the authority to examine the subjects on their own, and simultaneously make sure their heart is still in the correct place.