Ministry of Elective Home Education

In National Theatres Now...

2010-02-25T17:54:00.000Z

The Ministry of Elective Home Education is advising parental and psychological guidance for Scary Movie 6 - The Return of the Grave Robbers. This production, starring Edolf Balls and his lapdog The Bad Man, contains delusive language and paints highly distorted images. Any likeness to the truth is purely coincidental and a result of manipulative spin.

Home Education Saves Lives

2010-01-23T21:20:00.001Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education knows for a fact that unregistered and government-free Autonomous Home Education saved at least one child's life. That should be enough reason to bring in legislation to protect this legal choice of education and to revoke powers of anybody who interferes with it.

Education as Usual

2010-01-11T10:56:00.000Z

The Ministry of Elective Home Education is pleased to announce that all home educating families have remained open this winter and that heavy snowfall has not interrupted or disrupted normal learning. Many families were able to offer support and accommodation to stranded school children.

Blue Moon

2009-12-31T18:14:00.000Z

On this special New Year's Eve, with a rare full, eclipsed and blue moon in the sky, the Special Minister of Elective Home Education wishes everyone a New Year full of positive and powerful changes. And our resolution is that we will be the changes we want to see in this country, in this world.

We wish you...

2009-12-24T11:18:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education wishes everyone the same as ever: The freedom to be happy in your own preferred way, respecting everyone else's individual choice.

CRB Checks for Roboliticians

2009-12-16T23:45:00.000Z

The Ministry of Elective Home Education is proposing compulsory CRB (Certified Real Birth) checks for DCSF ministers and other officials, after worrying rumours that the Department may be infiltrated by an army of clones and droids, who are using reviews, reports and inquiries to cover up human rights and democracy. Subjects failing this CRB check will be deported back to their planet or lab of origin.

The Final Petition

2009-12-07T18:12:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education petitions the people of the UK to petition the Prime Minister to petition the government not to use the number10 e-petition site as yet another place to publish their pre-fabricated propaganda.

Dirty Tricks

2009-12-06T14:24:00.001Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education declares 'dirty tricks' to be the politically correct term for the government's tactics of harassing and vilifying home educators.

Evidently better than Badman!

2009-12-04T14:20:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education wishes to draw the DCSF's attention to what a clearly written, well referenced and researched document looks like, and urges that they respond with as much clarity, care, intelligence and attention.

Recommended: Review of Ofsted

2009-12-03T10:28:00.001Z

The Ministry of Elective Home Education's team of experts suggests that when OFSTED get over their obsession with TEACHING they might begin to find out how and why people LEARN. Until then they will continue to FAIL.

What the Ministry wants for Christmas

2009-11-25T21:43:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education will have the partridge from the pear tree for Christmas and Freedom of Education twelve days later.

Diverse but Powerful

2009-11-21T23:15:00.000Z

The Special Minister's Sunday reflections on diversity amongst home educators: Snowflakes are diverse. Each and every one of them is a unique crystal. Soft and beautiful. But driven together in a fierce storm they take your breath away and leave you powerless.

Knight in Shining Armour

2009-11-20T23:28:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education nominates Graham Stuart as a Special Junior Minister for his excellent inside knowledge of the People's Front of Home Education

Muppets!

2009-11-19T10:57:00.002Z

Recommendation / declaration / petition (use as suits your conviction) by the Special Minister of Home Education: Meep Badman, Balls and the rest of them!

DCSF Abuse Alert!

2009-11-14T00:44:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education will be informing the NSPCA of suspicions that Big Brother DCSF might be using ducks as a cover for spying on families and children, feeding Partridges rubbish, and forcing rats into domestication.

Leave them alone!

2009-11-11T17:01:00.002Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education opposes the proposal that all iguana's are to be CRB checked and Ofsted inspected.

From one minister to another: NO!

2009-11-10T17:34:00.000Z

SAY NO - BELIEVE NO - DO NO

We Don't Need No Fabian Wall

2009-11-09T22:25:00.001Z

Twenty years after the fall of the Berlin Wall, the Special Minister of Elective Home Education wants to bring home the troops to knock down the Fabian Wall, get rid of the Voice Snatchers and resurrect our democracy.

Naughty step for Ofsted!

2009-11-07T16:29:00.001Z

State Governess Ofsted suggests that not only every home educating parent, but also every other adult involved in the child's education needs to be CRB checked before the license is granted. The Special Minister of Elective Home Education points out that, as the whole world and its population is effectively the home educated child's classroom, that might ever so slightly exceed the budget mentioned by Education Minister Diana Johnson.

Crystal Balls for Badman

2009-11-05T01:14:00.002Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education has heard rumours that Nektus and the NHS have been working together on supplying policy-based evidence making experts like Graham Badman, with crystal Balls to distance diagnose Münchausen syndrome by proxy and other medical conditions needed to silence vociferous minorities.

YES sometimes equals NO

2009-11-02T23:32:00.003Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education introduces Real Life Maths:
(YES to freedom in education) equals (NO to Ed Fabian Balls' DCSF)

Badman, the surviving messenger

2009-11-01T23:25:00.000Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education has come to the conclusion that Graham Badman probably saved his life by publishing his non-evidence based Report, as scientific experience seems to indicate that if government doesn't like the message from its advisors, it shoots the messenger.

Last Call for Democracy

2009-10-31T14:55:00.002Z

Do you want to light a candle for democracy in your western window next Halloween? Harriet Harman snubbed Graham Stuart's request for a parliamentary debate on home education. The Special Minister of Elective Home Education calls upon the 5000+ people who responded to the consultation, to add their annotation (CLICK HERE and hide video) and demand their democratic right to be heard.

Invasion of the Voice Snatchers

2009-10-29T09:44:00.002Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education recommends that all children beware of the Voice Snatcher after worrying rumours that Maggie Atkinson wants to be the voice for children. As she has already shown her reluctance to be held accountable the Special Minister is concerned that the newly appointed Children's Commissioner will change the children's voices to please Mr Balls' ears.

Play Balls or Play your Trump Card

2009-10-26T20:36:00.001Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education calls on all bubble blowers, mass lobbyists, not-back-to-school picnickers, respondants to reviews and consultations, extremely domestics, elective home educators and other people who feel the need to uphold democracy, to gather at Scotland Yard and demand to have our picture taken for the police spotter cards. And, to be non-discriminatory, we can then take theirs for our own Top Trumps pack.

The Show Goes On

2009-10-25T22:31:00.002Z

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education announces the arrival of a new star in Ed Balls' puppet theatre: Maggie Atkinson.
Maggie's ability to repeat spin and spout lies has secured her the post of England's Commissioner for (a select number of) Children and given Ed Balls the opportunity to once again show his contempt for democracy.

Can you believe it?

2009-10-23T23:28:00.002+01:00

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education would like to know why Peter Travis is concerned about people home educating for religious reasons, when Graham Badman himself in his Report declared his beliefs no less than 16 times, and his Recommendations are clearly an attempt to inculcate home educated children with his religiously held views.

The truth behind Truancy

2009-10-21T18:27:00.001+01:00

In response to the highest truancy level ever the Special Minister of Elective Home Education states that "missing school for a good reason - lack of suitable education - is totally acceptable" and "the best education to succeed in life takes place outside the classroom, in real life".

Ed Balls and Democracy

2009-10-21T00:22:00.002+01:00

It took the Special Minister of Elective Home Education ages to think of a - grammatically - positive statement with the words "Ed Balls" and "democracy" in it, and this is it.

24 hours and adding up...

2009-10-18T23:49:00.000+01:00

With the Consultation deadline in 24 hours (Monday 19 October 23.45hrs) the Special Minister of Elective Home Education sits back to reflect on the more than 3750 responses that have already gone in and wonders what more it will take...

Health and safety checks on DCSF personnel

2009-10-17T16:56:00.002+01:00

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education is now commissioning a team of health specialists to do eye and ear checks on Ed Balls and other DCSF functionaries, after rumours - substantiated by careful observation and analysis - about their selective loss of hearing and (in)sight. We recommend the specialists are given the authority to examine the subjects on their own, and simultaneously make sure their heart is still in the correct place.

Compensation

2009-10-17T01:03:00.000+01:00

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education recommends that the budget for the proposed 2010 consultations about full-time and suitable education will instead be used to compensate a fraction of the time and efforts Elective Home Educators put into educating government, local authorities and the national press.

Exemption

2009-10-17T00:56:00.000+01:00

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education recommends that, to compensate the wrongful and damaging assaults on their reputation and integrity, Elective Home Educators will from now on be exempt from consultations, reviews and other sneaky threats to their freedom.

Count us in, Graham!

2009-10-15T23:37:00.002+01:00

"The Special Minister for Elective Home Education is pleased to hear that former science teacher Graham Badman has stated that he can count. Now for higher maths, Graham. Multiplying and percentages. Starting from the 2000 vociferous objectors to your proposals..."

Do we need a Special Commissioner for children in EHE?

2009-10-15T00:41:00.002+01:00

The Special Minister of Elective Home Education is utterly horrified to learn that, like Vijay Patel of NSPCC, the proposed Children's Commissioner for England, one Maggie Atkinson, has no qualms to rob an innocent child's grave by falsely suggesting that her tragic death was due to elective home education. We look forward to Maggie undertaking further research, and apologising for her uninformed opinion.

Need to know

2009-10-14T14:27:00.000+01:00

"Research by the Special Minister of Elective Home Education has shown that it took a 14yo home educated child less time to find out what carbon sequestration was, than it took Graham Badman to not understand what autonomous education is."

EHE children at risk from lying newspapers

2009-10-14T14:24:00.000+01:00

"Study of today's (13-10-2009) Guardian shows that home educated children are being severely disadvantaged by biased and/or uninformed newspaper articles with discriminatory and sensationalist headlines," says the Special Minister of Elective Home Education.

Every child a voice and a choice

2009-10-14T14:16:00.002+01:00

"The Special Minister for Elective Home Education agrees with Mr Badman that every child should have a voice and a choice, and therefore strongly recommends that all children of school age will be given the right to visit their LA at least once a year - accompanied by whoever they feel is appropriate accompaniment - to state their preferred form of education."

Suitability of LA staff

2009-10-14T14:14:00.000+01:00

"The Special Minister for Elective Home Education is announcing a review into the level of education of LA staff, after worrying rumours that over eighty-five (85!!) percent of them haven't done their homework for, and were truanting during the training regarding legislation and regulation on home education."

Suitable education

2009-10-14T14:13:00.000+01:00

"The Special Minister for Elective Home Education is announcing a review of school education, after worrying rumours that an estimated 3-6 million children are not receiving education suitable to their age, aptitude and ability and any special needs they may have."

It is time...

2009-10-12T22:48:00.001+01:00

for home educators to step out of the shadows, says Mr Badman.
So here we are.
To ministrate and to serve.
As a ministry should.